Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Monday, May 30, 2016
If I had something like a Patreon, then I wouldn't have ads at-all (and remember when I asked you chumps to help me out to fly to India? So it's not like I can rely on you parasitic fucks to give me a buck or two now and again) but I don't, and a college kid has got to make his Ramen, wine and video game money somehow.
I'll always write for my own sense of exploration and achievement more than anything else, but hey, money may be evil, but that doesn't mean I can't get some doing what I love rather than doing what I hate at Taco Bell.
I don't know the tragedy of the exterior - of the damned souls that walk this Earth and are plagued with the wretchedness of their pitiable lives. I could not have done otherwise but provide myself (or be a part in my own despair) with the tragedy of the interior, just as I cannot help but do so in the future. But by reminding myself of the lack of value in all things, I can remember that the best things in this life are created by the independent mind, and that it was never my nature or role to have what the common rabble have. What I have is something they can never appreciate or understand, but it is something that is self-sufficient in its virtue and contentment while others relay on each others and on their vices to achieve fleeting happiness.
I am glad I am who I am. I will err in the future, as I have in the past, but this is just a small cost of being the person that I am. I have and continue to achieve in some sense what few have and in another what no one has in my writing. For those of you who are suffering, I feel abstract sympathy for your pain - but I likely cannot relate to your pain, because it may be a pain created by misfortunes outside your own mind, when all of my sufferings have been created by my mind valuing what is worthless and forgetting my nature as a self-sufficient philosopher.
I'm glad I'm not attached to anyone. Maybe I'll feel sad when someone I know intimately dies, but mostly what I feel is a synthesis of contempt and pity for this species and their inevitable and meaningless plight.
"These aside, it appears as if the dear Lord created the world for the benefit of the Devil - in which event he would have done far better not to have created it at all." A.S.
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Friday, May 27, 2016
Thursday, May 26, 2016
This is a work in progress. I finished the paper I told you fine folks about and may post it here at a later date. It honestly isn't something I'm proud of though, and wrote it solely for class credit. A class where a single paper was at-least half of our grade but we spent most of our time reading hundred page assignments for five point reading quizzes. But the professor was nice so I guess that excuses everything.
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Moved into my new apartment half a week ago. Not too shabby.
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Life is good.
I wouldn't be where I am without them. I am so lucky.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Anxiety makes everything seem both inevitable to go wrong and yet you constantly want to think about whether or not it can or will go right. You cycle through your mind but the more you try to convince yourself the more you feed into it making all your worries seem like reality when all the good just doesn't register mentally. Even if you get what you want you'll still be anxious, because you'll be worrying about keeping it or if you really have it. Anxiety is pointless because it not only is painful it is counter-productive and self-destructive. It causes us to act irrationally and by doing so both feeds the anxiety (the unpleasant feeling) and has us act in a way that will increase the chances of our dread being manifested into reality. When we act on it we give oxygen to the fire of our worries. The best thing to do is to remember it is all in your mind, and even it wasn't all you can control is your own actions and all you want is contentment; so why not just be content rather than constantly scrutinizing everything you have or want which will never make you as happy as just being at peace with yourself will?