Monday, May 30, 2016

Another Entry for my Future Psychiatrist at the Happy Home

Pretty much all of the pains in my life were through wanting what was not really of value and things that I really wouldn't have wanted/appreciated but only thought I wanted.  Most of the suffering in my life I caused for myself.  The evils of society are real but once they are realized you can quickly turn your back on others and know who you are and what your true nature is.

I don't know the tragedy of the exterior - of the damned souls that walk this Earth and are plagued with the wretchedness of their pitiable lives.  I could not have done otherwise but provide myself (or be a part in my own despair) with the tragedy of the interior, just as I cannot help but do so in the future.  But by reminding myself of the lack of value in all things, I can remember that the best things in this life are created by the independent mind, and that it was never my nature or role to have what the common rabble have.  What I have is something they can never appreciate or understand, but it is something that is self-sufficient in its virtue and contentment while others relay on each others and on their vices to achieve fleeting happiness.

I am glad I am who I am.  I will err in the future, as I have in the past, but this is just a small cost of being the person that I am.  I have and continue to achieve in some sense what few have and in another what no one has in my writing.  For those of you who are suffering, I feel abstract sympathy for your pain - but I likely cannot relate to your pain, because it may be a pain created by misfortunes outside your own mind, when all of my sufferings have been created by my mind valuing what is worthless and forgetting my nature as a self-sufficient philosopher.

I'm glad I'm not attached to anyone.  Maybe I'll feel sad when someone I know intimately dies, but mostly what I feel is a synthesis of contempt and pity for this species and their inevitable and meaningless plight.

"These aside, it appears as if the dear Lord created the world for the benefit of the Devil - in which event he would have done far better not to have created it at all."  A.S.

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