Oh my god. I'm listening to Kevin Smith listen to "Emo Kev" of his youth and its hilarious and something I can relate to in a deep way. I don't mean deep as in "oh, I'm so profound." Deep as in the connection is deep. It hits something real.
I briefly looked at some of my past entries in my document folder and looking at myself even from three years ago is a trip. I looked at an essay I wrote when I beat Super Mario World an it's a combination of analyzing the game and self-importance of both gloating that I beat the game and stating that this is a milestone in my life and needs to be documented. The presumption in chronicling this is my life deserves to be journaled.
I took pride in the fact that I wrote more than fifty notebooks throughout my high school career. Mostly full of sci-fi ideas and essays shitting on religion and other people. Wish I had some wish me as I was in college so I could continue this stroll down memory lane. A lot of people have selfies; I have fevered scrawlings where I unironically refer to Holden Caufield as a Stoic figure.
I look at that time in a loving yet mocking way, much like Kev does from his past. There's at the most eight years between me and Emo Jake, when there's more than twenty between Smodcast and Emo Kev.
But I don't think in reality I've changed much and maybe ever will - regardless of this being a good or bad thing. I looked at my past post and it got six views. Which is hysterical. I love the idea of an audience. The idea that what I'm thinking and feeling, what I am, is worth witnessing. Very Rousseauian. Straight out of Discourse on Inequality.
My birthday was about a week ago. So it's fitting I'd have this epiphany (if you can call it that) now. Just a nice stroll down memory line with your favorite narcissist.
Apparently I'm giving something to the six of you. And that's nice. But I'd be lying if I'd say I'm doing it for that reason.